Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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