She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
