I accidentally had phone sex last night
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
