Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
