i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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