she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
