my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
