The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
