Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
