Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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