Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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