I cannot find my penis.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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