I wanna bring you to show and tell
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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