it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
