Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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