Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
