Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
