my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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