Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
