Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He better not be in your backpack
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
