I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
