We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
