i think my tv is drunk
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
