My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
