So drunk its hurt
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
