when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dicks are not precious.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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