Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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