At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
