Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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