Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
