you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
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I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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