Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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