How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
