There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
