I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
