Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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