When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
