a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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