I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
