You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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