you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
