If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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