just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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