you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
