I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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