I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
