I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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