At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
