After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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