eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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