I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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