as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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