Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
