We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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