My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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