If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
