she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
