Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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