He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
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and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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