I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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