weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
