She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
