I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
