a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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