My room smells like vodka and shame
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
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Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
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Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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