You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
