just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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