Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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