On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
