Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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