this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
